


Dark Red Paradise

by stevienat



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5779927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevienat/pseuds/stevienat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve can't forget Bucky and really needs to get stuff off his chest and lots of hugs. All the hugs for Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Red Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Lana Del Rey's _[Dark Paradise](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmWUUPl8DD4)_ & Taylor Swift's  _[Red](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlot0i3Zykw)_

Steve sat on a lab table in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s R&D department absentmindedly watching his friend test a slimy green substance one of the other lab techs had dropped off. “You make for good eye candy but I cannot stand the sad puppy look any longer, Rogers.” Her blunt comment briefly made the corner of his lips twitch into a crooked smile. “Also you're in the way. Move or I'll cover you in alien slime.” He scooted of the lab table and moved to sit on her desk instead. She rolled her eyes and kicked a lab stool at him. “Natasha wants me to ask you out on a date.” He blurted suddenly.

Angelique just cocked an eyebrow before she went back to her microscope. “You and I both know why you wont do that.” She said finally, jotting down some notes. Steve observed her as she wrote her long dark blonde hair was pulled up in a neat ponytail with only a few stands framing her face.

“I can feel you staring.”

Steve shrugged and examined her features further, it wasn't the first time either. She had a straight nose like him, full lips that without lipstick were a dusty rose color a strong jawline that reminded him of Bucky. Which in turn made his heart twinge in pain. His eyes must have betrayed him because when he met Angie's big blue-gray eyes she said, “Go listen to the sad melancholic love song ridden playlist Barton and Romanoff made for you.”

She looked away again long thick lashes casting shadows over her pronounced cheekbones. Her skin was a deep golden-bronze which she herself attributed to her Creole and Egyptian heritage. _Somewhere three generations back my family used to be exotic_ , she had joked.

Today she didn't sport her Cap ensemble under her white lab coat for which he was grateful. It usually made him cringe when she wore his merchandise with a perfectly matched flannel. Sometimes he really hated S.H.I.E.L.D.'s wear what you want we don't fucking care policy when it came to work clothes but otherwise Fury wouldn't get away with his leather coat.

But today she wore a battered red and black flannel over a white R2D2 muscle shirt, black skinny jeans that hugged her thighs and scuffed combat boots. She was a gigantic Star Wars nerd despite not actually liking Luke Skywalker one bit. And Steve had to admit Han Solo was a much more compelling character. “Earth to Captain America.” She said snapping her fingers in his face.

“Uh sorry. I was thinking.”

“Were you torturing yourself with Bucky again?” The question startled him so much he knocked her R2D2 figurine over pushing the Cap bobble head figure off the edge of the desk. “Not really.” He sighed leaning back against the wall, knowing full well he was leaning on a poster of Harrison Ford's face and several drawings he made when in this exact position and photos Angie had pinned there.

“I know you don't talk about it with Garner and you basically still deny that you could have had an epic lifelong love story with him even to me...”

“You still have any of that pure alcohol that gets me drunk for like a second?” Steve interrupted already sliding off her desk to pick the figurine up. She nodded jerking her thumb towards the door. “You know you really live up to your nickname, Angel.”

She snorted indignantly while hanging up her lab coat. “Meet you at my place. I need to get that sample back to Duncan up in forensics.”

* * *

 

Steve wasn't nearly drunk enough to tell Angie his almost sort of love story with his best friend. But he also hadn't been drunk enough to have his friend tell him she got a tattoo of a sharpie doodle he made when running on thirty-eight hours of sleep deprivation and bad coffee. Of his shield no less. Not that he could ever really get drunk. The stuff she had concocted got him drunk for all of three seconds, she had timed it. Even then it was just a very slight buzz but it was better than jugging bottle after bottle of whiskey like after Bucky fell and his body's only reaction being that he really needed to piss.

Angie had forced him to switch to only marginally better store bought moonshine after the third shot of that godawful stuff she had distilled herself. If her employment with S.H.I.E.L.D. fell through she definitely couldn't make a career out of brewing moonshine. She didn't push the conversation. Angie waited for him to start talking, quietly sipping her coke. “You know we could just finish the prequels if you rather not talk about it.” She finally said. Steve sighed loudly, eyes focused on the ceiling.

He rubbed his hands over his face. “No, maybe it'll help talking about it.” Angelique nodded going back to tracing the details of the Millennium Falcon tattoo on the inside of her arm. He understood that she gave him time to organize his thoughts, decided if he wanted to leave things out.

Steve cleared his throat to get her attention. As he started talking it was like he got tunnel vision. It was like there was nothing but his memories. He almost felt like he was living it again.

 

_I'm pretty sure I loved him since I was a kid but at fifteen it hit me like a brick wall. Bucky was like family, like the older brother I never had but I also really wanted to kiss him. I think he noticed but he never said anything. My mom died when I was twenty-two after that I moved in with Bucky, it was harder... He used to always go out with girls and come home with lipstick stains on his neck and shirt, smelling of perfume._

_I kept telling myself to move on, to accept that Bucky didn't like guys didn't want me in that way. The funny thing was I liked girls too and at first I thought it was just Bucky. That he was somehow special that I liked girls and Bucky but then sometimes I'd catch myself looking at other men with that kind of curiosity I felt for him._

_Never acted upon my desires. I was sacred, I'd ruin something. I could never lose my best friend. Even when I had nothing I had him. I couldn't just throw that way because I was sick._

_When he went off to war I didn't do anything either. There was a chance I'd never see him again, that he'd be killed or I'd die of pneumonia but I couldn't..._

_I thought maybe the serum would fix me but I was also worried it'd turn me into something like Schmidt. Back then loving another man was well bad to put it mildly. Chances were you'd turn a corner and run into a homophobic asshole. Turns out it didn't fix me, I now know there was never anything wrong with me. Peggy, she was great I had the biggest crush on her but there was still Bucky. With somebody else in the picture I though I could move on but Erskine died and Brandt made me his dancing monkey._

_I slept with a few girls on the USO tour. Sometimes I wonder if they ever told anybody. The first one she was this pretty petite blonde, probably only liked me for my looks but I was frustrated and lonely. So I took her backstage and fucked her against a table. It wasn't how I imagined loosing my virginity but I also never thought I'd be sneaking around with my best friend having him give me a blow job against a tree._

_Anyway I finally made it to Italy, god that show was a disaster. I still have no fucking idea where they got the tomatoes in a fucking war zone. Hydra had captured my best friend so my logical reaction was going AWOL. Smart I know, Bucky was the only person that could simultaneously keep me from doing dumb shit and being the reason for me to do it in the first place._

_Back on base I was too damn busy eyeing Peggy to even notice in how much pain Bucky was in. He thought he'd lost me, thought I wouldn't need him anymore. Took a little convincing that I could never not need him or even replace him. London, London was good. He hit on me in the most subtle yet horribly obvious way. 'But you're keeping the outfit right?' The outfit at that point was literally booty shorts and tights. I wrecked the top saving him and the boots well yeah I was glad to never see those again. In the end I only had the shorts because I had lost the tights too – somewhere._

_We made love in a my quarters. Missions were more difficult we mostly took watch together so we could sneak off and you know make out or... It was usually just hand jobs or sucking each other off. Occasionally we'd stay in abandoned places then Bucky would practically beg me to fuck him. It was real risky with the Commandos there._

_I think Peggy knew, Private Lorraine definitely didn't she tried to get me into a supply closet more than once. I didn't want to lead her on, Peggy that is, but I probably still did. After Bucky fell I tried to think positive, I knew she liked me and yeah sure Bucky is, was the love of my life but I had to get myself together for him._

_When I crashed the plane I had made my decision – I couldn't life without him. Broke a lot of peoples hearts but for Buck and me it was_ until the end line _. It was our_ forever _, our_ always _and I was already late._

 

Steve hadn't realized he had been crying until Angie wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. He pressed his face into the crook of her elbow and cried until he had no more tears left.

* * *

 

It had been a day since he woke up in the hospital next to Sam. Three months since he told Angie about Bucky and him. _He was alive, Bucky was alive._ “They're releasing you.” Angie said from the doorway. “Go find your amnesiac boyfriend and stop that suicidal shit.”

She was smiling and Steve was never more grateful that Natasha had insisted he'd be admitted to medical after a mission and meeting Dr. Angelique Roberts, who had PhD's in fields he couldn't even pronounce.

He smiled back, and this time he meant it.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> **No copyright infringement intend. I do not claim to own any Marvel characters or story-lines.**


End file.
